Surly Temple.

I've often wondered how I'd look without eyebrows.

Not that I'd actually ever shave them off. No, that would be too much of a dramatic change, as I'm a creature of habit and routine. If I feel out of whack if a holiday happens to fall on a Monday, and there's no mail, I'm sure making bare my rather prominent 'brows would send me into a cataclysmic panic. Still, I wonder.

It's a ditsy, vapid thing to mull over. I could spend my time thinking about the world, or travels, or self-betterment. Instead, my thoughts are almost totally cosmetic in nature. How would I look with white-blonde hair? What would it be like to function with just three fingers, total? I wonder if I've ever known anyone who secretly has a tail? Is it possible for a person to have a third, fully functioning eyeball? Stuff like that.

Lori & Dori vs. Surly Temple

Yet another guilty pleasure of mine is Lori and Dori Schappell, the conjoined twins. The first time I saw them was 15-some-odd years ago on The Maury Povich Show, and I was totally immersed in the odd specital that was their lives. Mostly, what I thought about was functionality: For example, Dori, the smaller "parasitic" twin, needs to be wheeled around on a little swivel chair. She dangles from her sister, Lori, like a boneless toddler. She sings, though. Reba Mcentire songs, mostly. She even at one point dyed her hair red and changed her name to "Reba", a sweet homage to her country siren, yes. But also slighty creepy and weird. Oh, another thing - the girl can't sing. At all.

This is where my loving mom side meets Surly Temple, my "this is utter bullshit" alter-ego. One the one hand, I can support nuturting the dreams of someone who is differently abled. However, I cannot and will not say that Dori Reba can sing. She's a terrible singer. Just awful. Yet she was given a recording contract, and produced a music video. In my opinion, there's a special brand of cruelty to this, as this woman was not signed to a contract because of her talents, but merely for her draw as a side-show oddity. I'd like to think that the Schappell twins are hip to this, but I have a feeling they're not - and to me, that makes the explotation all the greater.

Of note: Dori changed her name to "George", the why's of which are a complete mystery to me. Maybe she's a George Jones fan.

The Who Cares? Bears

Even as a kid, I was a fan of parody, and I had it in my mind that I could turn my Who Cares? Bears concept in a real thing. I was never a fan of the real Care Bears, and had the high opinion that "Grumpy Bear" was the only one with any real character - the rest seemed too sugary sweet, too nauseatingly optimistic to ever function outside their cupcakeish, utopian society.


STFU

I had plans for my vision, but they never came into fruition, because I recieved Mario Paints for Christmas that same year. Thus, the time I would've spent on my master plan instead went to creating dirty animation, and composing music that was comprised of farty sound effects. And I was damn good at both, too.