Thursday, July 29, 2010

Surly Temple.

I've often wondered how I'd look without eyebrows.

Not that I'd actually ever shave them off. No, that would be too much of a dramatic change, as I'm a creature of habit and routine. If I feel out of whack if a holiday happens to fall on a Monday, and there's no mail, I'm sure making bare my rather prominent 'brows would send me into a cataclysmic panic. Still, I wonder.

It's a ditsy, vapid thing to mull over. I could spend my time thinking about the world, or travels, or self-betterment. Instead, my thoughts are almost totally cosmetic in nature. How would I look with white-blonde hair? What would it be like to function with just three fingers, total? I wonder if I've ever known anyone who secretly has a tail? Is it possible for a person to have a third, fully functioning eyeball? Stuff like that.

Lori & Dori vs. Surly Temple

Yet another guilty pleasure of mine is Lori and Dori Schappell, the conjoined twins. The first time I saw them was 15-some-odd years ago on The Maury Povich Show, and I was totally immersed in the odd specital that was their lives. Mostly, what I thought about was functionality: For example, Dori, the smaller "parasitic" twin, needs to be wheeled around on a little swivel chair. She dangles from her sister, Lori, like a boneless toddler. She sings, though. Reba Mcentire songs, mostly. She even at one point dyed her hair red and changed her name to "Reba", a sweet homage to her country siren, yes. But also slighty creepy and weird. Oh, another thing - the girl can't sing. At all.

This is where my loving mom side meets Surly Temple, my "this is utter bullshit" alter-ego. One the one hand, I can support nuturting the dreams of someone who is differently abled. However, I cannot and will not say that Dori Reba can sing. She's a terrible singer. Just awful. Yet she was given a recording contract, and produced a music video. In my opinion, there's a special brand of cruelty to this, as this woman was not signed to a contract because of her talents, but merely for her draw as a side-show oddity. I'd like to think that the Schappell twins are hip to this, but I have a feeling they're not - and to me, that makes the explotation all the greater.

Of note: Dori changed her name to "George", the why's of which are a complete mystery to me. Maybe she's a George Jones fan.

The Who Cares? Bears

Even as a kid, I was a fan of parody, and I had it in my mind that I could turn my Who Cares? Bears concept in a real thing. I was never a fan of the real Care Bears, and had the high opinion that "Grumpy Bear" was the only one with any real character - the rest seemed too sugary sweet, too nauseatingly optimistic to ever function outside their cupcakeish, utopian society.


I had plans for my vision, but they never came into fruition, because I recieved Mario Paints for Christmas that same year. Thus, the time I would've spent on my master plan instead went to creating dirty animation, and composing music that was comprised of farty sound effects. And I was damn good at both, too.


  1. I am perplexed by the whole "George" thing, and please don't shave your eyebrows. That look only worked for David Bowie.

  2. And fortunately for me, I'm not androgynous enough to pull off the whole "sexy, other worldly creature" thing.